School life can be full of excitement, but it also brings its fair share of challenges. For many children and teenagers, the weight of academic expectations and the pressure of exams can become overwhelming. It’s natural for young people to want to do well, but when stress takes over, it can affect not only their mental health but also their physical well-being and self-esteem. The good news is, with the right support, your child can learn how to navigate these pressures, manage their anxiety, and shift their mindset towards learning and achievement in a healthier way.
Understanding School and Exam Stress
School and exam stress occurs when the pressure to succeed becomes overwhelming. It’s that feeling when the weight of expectations—whether from themselves, their teachers, parents, or peers—starts to mount. It’s the anxiety that arises around grades, deadlines, and performance. As Seligman (2011) suggests, while a small amount of stress can be motivating, when it becomes chronic, it leads to burnout and negative mental health outcomes. This intense pressure can create a storm that’s difficult to weather.
Signs Your Child Might Be Struggling with Stress
Every child expresses stress differently. As parents, it’s crucial to pay attention to the subtle signs that may indicate something’s not quite right. Here are a few behaviors and symptoms to watch for:
- A constant worry about grades, exams, or school performance that seems never-ending.
- Difficulty concentrating or a tendency to avoid schoolwork altogether.
- Increased irritability, mood swings, or feeling constantly overwhelmed.
- Physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or trouble sleeping.
- Procrastination, perfectionism, or feeling “frozen” and unable to get started on tasks.
- Avoiding school or withdrawing from friends and family as the pressure builds.
How Therapy Can Help Your Child Cope with School Stress
As a Child and Adolescent Psychotherapeutic Counsellor, I believe in the power of strengths-based therapy. Every young person has the potential to build resilience and cope with the stresses of school life. I integrate Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT), mindfulness techniques, and Solution-Focused Therapy (SFT) to support children and teens in managing school stress and developing essential coping skills. As Hayes et al. (2012) have highlighted, ACT helps individuals develop psychological flexibility, enabling them to move forward in life despite challenges.
Here’s how therapy can support your child:
- Managing Perfectionism and Fear of Failure: Therapy helps young people let go of the belief that their worth is tied to academic success. As Shafran et al. (2002) describe, perfectionism often leads to self-criticism and increased stress. By focusing on the process of learning, rather than solely on outcomes, your child can learn that making mistakes is part of the journey. This shift allows them to engage with school in a much healthier, balanced way.
- Building Emotional Resilience: Both ACT and CFT emphasize the importance of developing self-compassion. Gilbert (2009) suggests that self-compassion reduces self-criticism, fostering emotional resilience. This means that when your child faces setbacks, therapy can help them approach these challenges with kindness and confidence, rather than feeling overwhelmed or defeated.
- Mindfulness and Stress-Reduction Tools: Mindfulness techniques, such as breathing exercises and grounding practices, can be incredibly helpful in reducing anxiety in high-pressure situations. According to Kabat-Zinn (2003), mindfulness allows individuals to stay present, which is particularly beneficial for students facing academic stress. These simple tools can make a significant difference during exams or stressful school days.
- Developing Healthy Study and Coping Habits: Therapy doesn’t just focus on emotional management; it also supports practical changes. We work together to establish routines that nurture both productivity and self-care. Duckworth et al. (2007) emphasize the role of grit and perseverance in academic success, but we also ensure that these traits are developed without sacrificing mental health or well-being.
- Supporting You as Parents: As much as therapy helps your child, it also supports you as parents. I guide families on how to encourage their child’s learning without adding to the pressure. Understanding how to foster a supportive, non-critical environment is essential in helping your child cope with stress. Neff (2011) explains that parental encouragement that focuses on effort rather than results can reduce stress and promote emotional well-being.
- Emphasizing Values and Meaning: One of the core components of ACT is helping young people connect with their core values—the things that matter most to them. As Hayes et al. (2012) argue, when young people are aligned with their values, they are more motivated and less likely to be overwhelmed by external pressures like exams. This focus on values helps them realize that school is only one part of their journey, and it’s their values that will guide them toward a meaningful and fulfilling life.
- Solution-Focused Techniques: SFT helps your child find practical solutions to the stress they’re facing. Rather than getting bogged down by problems, SFT focuses on identifying what’s working and how to build on existing strengths. This approach, as de Shazer (1988) suggests, boosts confidence and encourages a mindset of growth. By celebrating small victories, your child can build momentum and resilience.
Moving Forward: Your Child Can Thrive Beyond the Stress
Academic pressures don’t have to dominate your child’s life. With the right support, they can grow into a resilient young person who faces challenges with a healthier mindset. Well-being is about more than just avoiding stress; it’s about fostering a sense of purpose and confidence. If you’re worried about your child’s school-related stress, don’t hesitate to reach out. As a BACP-registered Children and Young People Psychotherapeutic Counsellor, I specialize in helping kids and teens navigate academic pressures, manage anxiety, and develop self-compassion.
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” — Carl Jung
In the end, it’s all about how your child learns to approach the challenges they face. Together, we can make sure they approach those challenges with confidence, resilience, and the right tools to succeed.
References
- de Shazer, S. (1988). Hypothesizing, circularity, and neutrality: A new perspective on therapeutic practice. Journal of Strategic and Systemic Therapies, 7(1), 1-14.
- Duckworth, A. L., Peterson, C., Matthews, M. D., & Kelly, D. (2007). Grit: Perseverance and passion for long-term goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(6), 1087–1101.
- Gilbert, P. (2009). The Compassionate Mind: A New Approach to Life’s Challenges. New Harbinger Publications.
- Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.
- Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). In S. C. Hayes & L. A. Jacobson (Eds.), Mindfulness and Acceptance: Expanding the Cognitive-Behavioral Tradition (pp. 265-290). The Guilford Press.
- Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. William Morrow.
- Shafran, R., Cooper, Z., & Fairburn, C. G. (2002). Clinical perfectionism: A cognitive-behavioural analysis. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 40(7), 773-791.