Childhood (Ages 6-12): The Foundations of Identity
Helping Children and Teens Navigate Identity Development is a crucial part of growing up. As children and adolescents explore who they are, they may question their values, interests, and sense of belonging. This journey can be exciting but also challenging, especially when self-doubt, societal pressures, or emotional struggles arise. In this post, I’ll share how identity develops, ways parents can offer support, and how therapy can help young people build confidence in who they are.
During childhood, identity is closely tied to family, school, and social roles. Children begin to develop a sense of what they are good at, what they enjoy, and how they fit into different social groups. At this stage, identity is largely shaped by external influences—parents, teachers, and peers all play a role in shaping a child’s developing self-concept.
Key Aspects of Identity in Childhood:
Developing a sense of competence (“I’m good at drawing!”)
Understanding social roles and rules (“I’m a big brother now!”)
Learning about emotions and values (“Being kind is important.”)
Exploring likes and dislikes through hobbies and interests
🧠 Developmental Theory Insight: Erik Erikson (1950) described this stage as “Industry vs. Inferiority”—children develop confidence through achievements but may struggle with self-esteem if they feel they aren’t “good enough” at school, sports, or friendships. Encouraging their efforts rather than just results fosters a stronger sense of self.
Adolescence (Ages 13-18): The Search for Identity
Teenagers begin to separate from childhood identities and form a more independent sense of self. This can involve questioning family values, experimenting with different social groups, and exploring personal beliefs, gender identity, culture, and future aspirations.
At this stage, young people may experience:
Identity exploration – Trying new activities, styles, or social groups
Confusion and self-doubt – Wondering who they are outside of family expectations
Increased self-consciousness – Comparing themselves to peers and online personas
Emotional highs and lows – Feeling lost one moment and self-assured the next
🧠 Developmental Theory Insight: Erikson (1968) described adolescence as the stage of “Identity vs. Role Confusion”—teens must form a clear sense of self, or they risk feeling uncertain about who they are. Encouraging self-exploration and resilience helps them develop a strong, authentic identity.
How Can Parents Support Identity Development?
Parents play a crucial role in creating a safe space where children and teens can explore their identity without fear of judgment. Here are some ways to support them:
1. Encourage Exploration (Without Pressure)
Let children and teens try different hobbies, activities, and styles without feeling like they have to “stick to one thing.”
Normalise changing interests: “It’s okay to love football one year and prefer painting the next!”
2. Foster Open Conversations
Be a curious and non-judgmental listener—ask about their thoughts, feelings, and dreams.
Avoid labelling them too quickly—give them room to define themselves in their own words.
If they express confusion, reassure them: “It’s okay to not have everything figured out yet.”
3. Support Social and Emotional Learning
Help younger children name their emotions and build emotional intelligence.
Teach teens critical thinking about media and peer pressure—help them question “Is this really me, or am I trying to fit in?”
4. Provide Reassurance During Periods of Change
Teens may change their appearance, interests, or even social circles—this is normal. Instead of reacting with fear, express trust in their ability to figure things out.
If a child or teen is questioning their gender or sexual identity, offer unconditional support and seek additional resources if needed.
5. Model Self-Acceptance
Children and teens learn by watching how parents relate to themselves. Speak kindly about yourself and your own identity—show them that self-growth is lifelong.
When to Consider Therapy for Identity Struggles
While identity exploration is normal, some children and teens struggle with persistent confusion, self-criticism, or anxiety about who they are. Therapy may be helpful if they:
Express intense distress about their identity, feeling “lost” or “not good enough.”
Struggle with low self-esteem, social anxiety, or fear of being judged.
Have difficulty connecting with peers or forming a sense of belonging.
Experience identity-related stress due to cultural expectations, gender identity, or neurodivergence.
Engage in self-destructive behaviours or withdraw from activities they once enjoyed.
How Therapy Can Help
As a therapist, I take a child-led, integrative approach to helping young people explore their identity in a way that feels safe, empowering, and self-compassionate.
ACT & Self-Compassion – Teaching young people to unhook from negative self-judgment and develop kindness towards themselves.
Creative Expression – Using art, storytelling, and play to help children and teens explore their emotions and identity in a non-verbal way.
Strength-Based Approaches – Helping young people recognise their unique strengths and values instead of comparing themselves to others.
Mindfulness & Grounding – Supporting teens in navigating the emotional ups and downs of self-discovery.
Family Support – Providing parents with tools to encourage healthy identity exploration while maintaining open communication.
Moving Forward
Identity development is a journey—not a destination. It’s okay for children and teens to feel uncertain about who they are at times. With support, patience, and self-exploration, they can develop a strong sense of self and feel more confident in their place in the world.
I am a BACP-registered Children and Young People Psychotherapeutic Counsellor based in West London, Chelsea, offering private therapy for children and teens struggling with identity, self-esteem, and emotional wellbeing. I work online across the UK and worldwide, using an integrative, compassionate approach tailored to each young person’s needs.
If you’d like to explore how therapy can support your child or teen, feel free to get in touch.
